What to Do If Breastfeeding Is Really Hard

Breast milk is an ultra-nourishing substance for newborns...but thank goodness we have formula! Some parents choose not to breastfeed and others cannot for medical reasons. And then there is another group of new parents: Those who want to nurse but struggle a great deal in the first few days or weeks. If that describes you, take heart…and read on. The fact is breastfeeding is a hard part of being a new parent...but hopefully these nursing tips will help alleviate some of the struggles.

First of all: We feel for you. You might be in real pain and having doubts. We hope you take pride in your efforts and stick with it if you can. The best way to do that—and hopefully succeed—is to get breastfeeding help.

There is a belief that nursing should be second nature—it is natural after all, right? But the truth is neither you nor the baby have done this before! That is why new parents, from the beginning of time and from all parts of the world, have relied on family/community support. Reach out to your healthcare provider, La Leche League (LLL), an experienced friend or a lactation consultant for advice. And do not delay. The longer you live with problems, the harder they are to resolve.

Common Breastfeeding Challenges

So, why are you having such a rough go? The most common reasons are technical: You may have flat nipples, your baby is not on your breast correctly, or a lip- or tongue-tie could be making it difficult for your baby to latch. 

If you do have flat nipples, the good news is you can help yourself before you give birth. Wearing breast shells underneath your bra during pregnancy can elongate the nipples. Immediately after delivery, ask to use a breast pump in the hospital—the suction stretches your nipples. Nipple shields are products used while nursing that stimulate the baby’s palate and trigger the sucking reflex. Even if they work for you, keep pumping to protect your milk supply!

Pumps jumpstart breastfeeding in the face of a variety of challenges. If you gave birth to twins, a baby incapable of strong sucking, or an ill baby (who cannot be immediately brought to you because he is receiving other care), you may want to pump from day one. 

Breastfeeding fact: Did you know that if you have a c-section, it usually takes a day longer for your milk to come in? Pumping speeds this process too. Do not worry if nothing comes out at first–you are just ‘priming’ the breast to get started. Your milk flow should increase in three to four days.

Early Confusion About Breastfeeding

Many new parents just do not know what to expect with breastfeeding. They hear they should nurse immediately, but many do not know that babies want to suck right when they are born but their interest decreases for the next 18 hours or so. (They actually do not need sustenance right away because they are born with an extra pound of food and water in their bodies.) In those first few days, breasts release colostrum—not milk—one drip at a time. Your baby’s sucking is actually what brings in your milk. Once it arrives, breastfeeding becomes so much easier…infants have lost about 7 to 10% of their body weight and their appetite kicks in. By the third day, they are hungry little hippos, very interested in the breast!

But, babies’ bodies are actually quite stiff at this time. Snug in your belly for so long, her arms, legs and even her jaw muscles are tight, making it hard for her to open her mouth fully. But wide-open like a gulping fish is exactly what is needed, to get your nipple high up against her palate and away from her tongue. If your little one sucks on the tip of your nipple...that will hurt! This is the point when breastfeeding help is most beneficial. A trained professional or experienced mum will teach you to get your baby’s mouth open and positioned properly on your breast.

Also keep in mind that when your milk comes in, you will likely feel extra-engorged. You are swelling not only with milk, but also with blood. When the blood vessels expand it can be very painful. But once the baby feeds well, you will feel better.

Breastfeeding Help: Sleep Is Key

While these technical reasons make it hard to get started, persistent crying and exhaustion are the top reasons mums abandon nursing. Studies show that sleep-deprived mums are much more likely to get depressed (which reduces breastfeeding rates by 50%) and doubt the adequacy of their milk. That is one reason I have spent my career helping new parents master the skills needed to calm their baby’s fussing and get more sleep. Happiest Baby’s videos and classes (available in 20+ nations) teach parents the soothing/sleep techniques called the 5 S’s which help to soothe babies…and promote nursing success. And our SNOO Smart Sleeper (based on the same principles) helps to aid sleep for babies to give parents some much-needed rest.

‘Breastfeeding is a confidence game,’ said the wise Dr. Derrick Jelliffe, who used to teach at UCLA. Your belief in yourself builds your persistence and helps you get through your tough times with nursing. But remember, you can and should get help…you got this!

Disclaimer: The information on our site is NOT medical advice for any specific person or condition. It is only meant as general information. If you have any medical questions and concerns about your child or yourself, please contact your health provider. Breastmilk is the best source of nutrition for babies. It is important that, in preparation for and during breastfeeding, mothers eat a healthy, balanced diet. Combined breast- and bottle-feeding in the first weeks of life may reduce the supply of a mother's breastmilk and reversing the decision not to breastfeed is difficult. If you do decide to use infant formula, you should follow instructions carefully.