How to Lovingly Stop Toddler Tantrums

Tantrums are one of the most troubling part of toddler-hood. Fortunately, there is an effective way to lovingly halt most toddler tantrums...in under a minute! For those familiar with some of the Happiest Toddler techniques (in particular Toddler-ese and the Fast-Food Rule) these tantrum-taming skills should sound quite familiar. They’re as close to a magic wand as you’ll ever get!

How to Stop a Tantrum:

1. Connect with respect.

When your toddler starts to lose it, the first thing you should do is connect with respect. Squat down to his level and echo back a bit of his feelings by using the Fast-Food Rule and Toddler-ese. (Remember to repeat back their feelings with about one-third of your tone of voice and gestures to reach your child’s sweet spot.) Practice this several times on small eruptions before trying it out on a major outburst. Amazingly, at least 50% of the time this simple step alone will quell tantrums in seconds.

Parents who respond by immediately voicing their adult views or distraction are like impatient fast-food order-takers who jump right to their message (“You owe $5”) without repeating the order. That’s why answering your 2-year-old’s whines for a pre-meal cookie by narrating her feelings (“Cookie! Cookie! You want cookie! You want cookie, now!”) provokes less crying than jumping right to your message, “No, honey. No cookies before dinner!”)

2. Give your message.

Once your child begins to quiet, it becomes your turn to give a message (“But nooo, sweetheart. You know the rule: Cookies are after dinner.”).

3. Offer a distraction or win-win compromise.

After you give your message, you can encourage your child to be even more cooperative in the future if you take a moment to feed her meter with a little distraction or a win-win compromise.

Distraction: Once your child starts to calm, offer a bit of fun (like attention, a hug, a snack, or "playing the boob"). Playing the boob, for example, shows your tot that even though she had to give in to you this time, there are plenty of other times when she gets to be faster/smarter/stronger than you.

For example: Point at her shoe and beg her, in a pitiful voice, to give it to you. When she hesitates, throw your hands down like you “give up” and say, “Okay, you win, you always win me.” A few seconds later, beg for her shoe again and let her reject you again. Kids love when we’re boobs, and they get to reject our silly requests.