TODDLER
Why Toddlers Misbehave
We all know how tough it is to raise and civilise a toddler, but have you ever stopped to think how tough it is to be a toddler?
Written by
Dr. Harvey Karp
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TODDLER
Written by
Dr. Harvey Karp
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We all know how tough it is to raise and civilise a toddler, but have you ever stopped to think how tough it is to be a toddler?
From your toddler’s perspective, she is losing all day long! She is weaker, slower, and shorter than everyone else…and that is just the start of her challenges. Toddlers face four big struggles every day that make it extra-hard for them to behave like little angels.
Our homes are both boring and overstimulating to toddlers. For 99.9% of human history, children spent most of every day frolicking outside. Our homes are boring because they replace the exciting sensations of nature with an immense stillness. Additionally, many traditional toddlers’ delights (running after kids and dogs, throwing dirt clods, catching bugs, climbing trees) are literally beyond reach.
Yet, at the same time, our modern world can be too stimulating to toddlers. It bombards them with jolting experiences that kids in the past never had to deal with: crazy cartoons, slick videos, clanging apps, noisy toys, and bright colours everywhere. We may be used to all this, but it can make many little children feel stressed.
As the day wears on, all this over- and under-stimulation can drive many little kids over the edge into fatigue, irritation, and misbehaviour.
Your toddler’s brain is like a buzzing beehive with twenty billion cells and 50 percent more nerve connections than we have in our big heads! All these connections mean millions— or billions—of signals zipping around. 'Go here!' 'Go there!' 'Touch it!' 'No, don’t!' Yikes! No wonder little kids spin out of control.
To help manage this whirlwind of mental activity, our brains are split into a right half and a left. The left half is the methodical nerd of the nervous system. It helps us listen carefully, be logical, and stay calm. The right half is the hyper 'Speedy Gonzales' of the nervous system. Unlike the thoughtful left side, the right side is distractible, impulsive, and emotional.
The two halves of the brain are in pretty close balance in big kids and adults, but the left side tends to be a bit more in control. Guess which half runs the show in toddlers? Yup, you guessed it…the right. In fact, your toddler’s emotional right side is so busy and noisy it often ignores the patient voice of the left side telling it to settle down.
And as if all that were not challenging enough, your toddler’s brain gets thrown even more off balance when she is upset. Big emotions instantly shut down the thoughtful left brain and dramatically amp up the primitive right.
Believe it or not, toddlers are biologically driven to do many of the things that drive us bonkers. Let us focus on a few of the developmental characteristics typical of all toddlers, and likely to put them on a collision course with their parents:
Every toddler is a totally unique person with his very own face and voice . . . even his personality is one-of-a-kind. Each child is born with a personality as matchless as his fingerprints. It is a mixture of intelligence, humor, and a fascinating quality called temperament. A toddler’s temperament could be easy…or it could be spirited! And when a toddler’s temperament clashes with her parent’s…it can lead to challenges!
For more tips on understanding and living in harmony with your toddler, check out The Happiest Toddler on the Block!
Disclaimer: The information on our site is NOT medical advice for any specific person or condition. It is only meant as general information. If you have any medical questions and concerns about your child or yourself, please contact your health provider. Breastmilk is the best source of nutrition for babies. It is important that, in preparation for and during breastfeeding, mothers eat a healthy, balanced diet. Combined breast- and bottle-feeding in the first weeks of life may reduce the supply of a mother's breastmilk and reversing the decision not to breastfeed is difficult. If you do decide to use infant formula, you should follow instructions carefully.
